Interracial Couples Guidance

Often times what creates conflict between partners is cultural dynamics. Even though we are at the core very similar, the environment we were raised in has a big impact on how we view the world and how we engage with it. This is what we refer to as the “nurture” of a person’s environment growing up. A person is also effected by “nature” which refers to their genetics etc.; the things they came into the world already predisposed to orient toward. A couple can be affected by both the nurture and nature component of their partner. And in the case of interracial and bi-racial couples, this can definitely cause confusion, hurt and disconnection.

 

As someone with extensive experience in interracial couples guidance,  I have worked with many couples in which one or both partners are mixed raced or one partner is another race from the other. I have also worked with couples where both partners were from a race other than caucasian.  When it comes to mixed race couples facilitating, I’m confident I can better understand the unconscious and conscious dynamics that come up between couples from different backgrounds because of my experience with other couples in my practice and my own experiences in my life.

Theo offers interracial couples guidance also.

Couples Guidance

Often the most problematic relationship in our life is the one that matters the most to us: our relationship with our primary partner. And it’s usually because it’s our primary partner that it can feel so overwhelming. This is because all of our deepest fears get exposed when there is a disconnect with our primary partner. Even when our relationship with our primary partner is not the most problematic, because this person matters so deeply to us, we can get easily triggered and deep old wounds can re-surface in times of crisis. Have you ever noticed that when a person only matters to you a little, things they do don’t disrupt your peace of mind as much? And if we start to develop deeper feelings for that same person, especially if it’s a romantic development, things that never bothered us before start to arise?

 

This is a universal experience. This is why so many people need help in more successfully navigating this primary relationship. The help of a seasoned, wise, solid Relational Guide can help deepen your intimacy and safety in this important relationship so it doesn’t get to the crises stage. And if you are in crisis, a relationship counselor can help you guide yourself away from the brink and acquire new tools and deeper awarenesses so you don’t ever approach the brink again. A tool that has been shown to be incredibly effective in doing this is Dr. Sue Johnson’s book called “Hold Me Tight” and the work that she brought into the world.This is a type of guidance and education developed by Dr. Sue Johnson that has been shown to be very effective with a wide range of couples, because it gets to the core issues underneath the surface tensions which people throughout the world are afflicted with.

 

As a trained couples guide with experience in marital facilitation, I use Sue Johnson’s work to help couples become more aware of what is happening in the present moment. As individuals we come into our primary relationships with old wounds from our childhood. And these early attachment traumas and wounds can cause our physiology to develop a “narrow band of tolerance”. What this means is that we get upset more easily. When our well-being is disrupted we feel it more profoundly, and it takes longer for us to come back to a grounded easeful place within ourselves. The tools I use help the individuals psyche and mind WIDEN their “band of tolerance”. A lot of this happens on a unconscious level in the present moment during the sessions. When we have a wider “band of tolerance”, we more easily navigate conflicts with our partner.

What is so exciting about this is that it’s widely understood and clearly seen that an individual can often heal these old wounds more quickly through their relationship with their partner (with the help of couples facilitation)!  So even if it appears that one person in the couple is bringing in more of the problematic behaviors, doing couples guidance can help that partner a great deal and therefore help the couple heal and grow as a unit. So coming in together and being supportive of each other’s learning and growth helps to deepen the intimacy, compassion, love and safety of the partnership, allowing the couple to be more easeful, playful and communicate more honestly and openly.

 

In addition to deepening the couples experience of each other, I teach them tools to better handle the problems as they arise. One of the primary tools is better communication styles. I incorporate a communication style known as “NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION” (NVC). This communication style works with how we language things. It teaches us to own our experience instead of telling the other person what that person is doing. By simply sticking to talking about our own experience, it allows the other person to feel less defensive because they are allowed to have their own subjective truth about the situation. When both parties become less defensive, it smooths the way for more open loving connection even in the face of conflict.

 

I specialize in helping couples navigate these difficult dynamics. Sometimes this process can have enough success to need only a few months. Often it takes longer because the problematic behaviors and dynamics are deeply rooted. But these dynamics can ALWAYS change and lessen throughout our lifetimes. One of the hopeful things about our psyche’s and our mind is that they have the ability to keep evolving and healing throughout our lives.

 

We never lose this ability. So if you or someone you love believe that they are “too old to change,” I encourage you to give couples guidance a try.

 

Couples Guidance

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a universal experience. This is why so many people need help in more successfully navigating this primary relationship. The help of a seasoned, wise, solid Relational Guide can help deepen your intimacy and safety in this important relationship so it doesn’t get to the crises stage. And if you are in crisis, a relationship counselor can help you guide yourself away from the brink and acquire new tools and deeper awarenesses so you don’t ever approach the brink again. A tool that has been shown to be incredibly effective in doing this is Dr. Sue Johnson’s book called “Hold Me Tight” and the work that she brought into the world.This is a type of guidance and education developed by Dr. Sue Johnson that has been shown to be very effective with a wide range of couples, because it gets to the core issues underneath the surface tensions which people throughout the world are afflicted with.

 

As a trained couples guide with experience in marital facilitation, I use Sue Johnson’s work to help couples become more aware of what is happening in the present moment. As individuals we come into our primary relationships with old wounds from our childhood. And these early attachment traumas and wounds can cause our physiology to develop a “narrow band of tolerance”. What this means is that we get upset more easily. When our well-being is disrupted we feel it more profoundly, and it takes longer for us to come back to a grounded easeful place within ourselves. The tools I use help the individuals psyche and mind WIDEN their “band of tolerance”. A lot of this happens on a unconscious level in the present moment during the sessions. When we have a wider “band of tolerance”, we more easily navigate conflicts with our partner.

 

What is so exciting about this is that it’s widely understood and clearly seen that an individual can often heal these old wounds more quickly through their relationship with their partner (with the help of couples facilitation)!  So even if it appears that one person in the couple is bringing in more of the problematic behaviors, doing couples guidance can help that partner a great deal and therefore help the couple heal and grow as a unit. So coming in together and being supportive of each other’s learning and growth helps to deepen the intimacy, compassion, love and safety of the partnership, allowing the couple to be more easeful, playful and communicate more honestly and openly.

 

In addition to deepening the couples experience of each other, I teach them tools to better handle the problems as they arise. One of the primary tools is better communication styles. I incorporate a communication style known as “NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION” (NVC). This communication style works with how we language things. It teaches us to own our experience instead of telling the other person what that person is doing. By simply sticking to talking about our own experience, it allows the other person to feel less defensive because they are allowed to have their own subjective truth about the situation. When both parties become less defensive, it smooths the way for more open loving connection even in the face of conflict.

 

I specialize in helping couples navigate these difficult dynamics. Sometimes this process can have enough success to need only a few months. Often it takes longer because the problematic behaviors and dynamics are deeply rooted. But these dynamics can ALWAYS change and lessen throughout our lifetimes. One of the hopeful things about our psyche’s and our mind is that they have the ability to keep evolving and healing throughout our lives.

 

We never lose this ability. So if you or someone you love believe that they are “too old to change,” I encourage you to give couples guidance a try.

Couples Guidance

Often the most problematic relationship in our life is the one that matters the most to us: our relationship with our primary partner. And it’s usually because it’s our primary partner that it can feel so overwhelming. This is because all of our deepest fears get exposed when there is a disconnect with our primary partner. Even when our relationship with our primary partner is not the most problematic, because this person matters so deeply to us, we can get easily triggered and deep old wounds can re-surface in times of crisis. Have you ever noticed that when a person only matters to you a little, things they do don’t disrupt your peace of mind as much? And if we start to develop deeper feelings for that same person, especially if it’s a romantic development, things that never bothered us before start to arise?

Theo offers several options for couples guidance.

Call: 408-623-1970

Theo is not a licensed health care professional​

Call: 408-623-1970